Sowing seeds of love in our 'garden of ideas,' ft. adrienne maree brown
How do we navigate friendships amidst social change?
Hello dear one ~
A few newsletters ago, I shared about my frustration from talking to a friend who wanted a more just and life-affirming world, but who thought the call for systemic transformation to be too radical. In that conversation, I questioned myself: If I can’t even change the minds of loved ones, how can I be effective in talking to strangers?
I’m not sure if this is just a matter of growing older, but I have experienced how political disagreements can lead to real rifts in my relationships with friends and relatives who I love. And this makes me sad.
Am I meant to let some relationships grow colder and focus more on “finding my people” who I already feel better aligned with, and who also want to build community with me? But would that just be giving up on some people and side-stepping the more challenging but necessary work of narrative and cultural change?
Is my role simply to sow the seeds of change without trying to dictate a certain outcome — while remembering that all seedlings have their own unique timelines and conditions of germination?
How deeply should I invest myself in trying to shift and expand the views of people who aren’t ready to be stretched, and how do I notice when it is starting to “cost too much” for me to stay tethered?
What does it mean to check myself and my values with community so that throughout this work — of bringing others into a remembrance of our interdependence and collectivity — I do not begin to replicate dynamics of domination or saviorism?
These are such difficult times in so many ways. And sometimes, the misaligned relationships in our lives can add more strain on top of everything. Sometimes, maintaining friendships with people who seem to be so oblivious and uncaring towards our socio-environmental-cultural crises can inadvertently make us feel even more lonely — or drive us towards greater isolation.
But relationships are at the heart of people power! And it is more important than ever to turn towards one another, weave the messy webs of community, and stay connected in relationships that give us the spaciousness to both transform and be transformed.
With these delicate questions in mind, I am honored to share with you my latest interview with adrienne maree brown, whose most recent book is Loving Corrections. I hope you enjoy this affirming conversation.
with light, green dreamer kaméa
“One of the things that I have found helpful is that I approach it as, I am an invitation to freedom, justice, to a different way of being in the world. Not everyone is ready to accept that invitation.” – adrienne maree brown
When so many issues feel so urgent, it can be hard to accept the reality that not everyone is ready, and that not everyone is going to “make it.”
So how do we navigate friendships in the context of social change and increasing political divides? What does it mean to ground ourselves in concepts that are much older than us — collectively nurturing our “garden of ideas”? And how do we move away from cancel culture to lovingly call one another in — to return and remember our shared values?
I especially resonated with adrienne’s invitation for us to continually take inspiration from the earth:
“Part of the grief that I carry every day is the fact that the earth is giving us abundance. There's no need to be at war with each other. We have enough of everything we need. So the grief of many of us is when you realize a lot of people reject that gift.
That doesn't mean you stop offering it. The Earth is our great teacher. The Earth doesn't say, “Fine, then no more summer.” Even if it goes through phases and changes, it continues to offer abundance.
We can do that. The sun is the same, it continues to offer its gift. We're the ones who have to figure out what to do with it. And that I think is what relationship gives us the room to do. It allows us to figure out what we do with the gift of each other. How do I become a gift to someone else's journey?” — adrienne maree brown via Green Dreamer EP440
If these curiosities resonate, I welcome you to join me and adrienne in this nourishing discussion to learn how to move through these troubled times with deeper rootedness and impact — without letting possible senses of overwhelm translate into desensitization or disengagement.
(You can listen to this conversation here or via Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or any podcast app, and view our transcript and episode resources here.)
Invitations into reflection:
What stands out to you when you (without judgment!) reflect on the ways you communicate with or react to loved ones when political disagreements arise? How might your tone, energy, body language, and state of being shift in these moments, and what might it mean to you to imbue them with more love and greater intentions to be invitational?
Where do your values come from? What is your gauge for how rooted they are? And how do they connect to your broader, intergenerational communities and webs of life?
Recognizing that we have limited time and energy, plus everchanging social contexts and seasons of life, what personal check-ins would you like to practice to assess and find your own balance of when it feels good to actively engage — or otherwise when it is better to disengage/maintain a more passive role?
Year-end gratitudes ~
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Wishing you and your dear ones lots of love, warmth, and beautiful memories this holiday season ~